10.21.2003

I am just now having my coffee for the day. I figured since I was working on a migrane I probably needed to get some caffeine in my system... funny how that works.

Pounded the pavement today to try and find a job. I felt very old. Very old. I can only work part time and really don't want anything too permanent... just need to fill in the gaps till the stinking record comes out... so I went over to places like Barnes and Noble and Old Navy and other fine retail establishments, knowing that they will be hiring holiday help soon. Yeah. Old Navy's manager is like 12 years old. And I'm the 31-year-old soccer mom coming in saying, "Hi, will you hire me?" Man. Wow. That sucked.

But anywaaaay... Oh, yeah, so Punky and I were walking last week and found a very frightened, very injured bunny on the side of the road. It was pitiful. Of course, our dog, Skippy, who was with us, immediately pounced on it and tried to eat it. I pulled Skippy off and made Punky take his shirt off, and I carried the bunny home (about a mile) and put it in a box. I called the wildlife rescue people and said, "What the heck do I do with this thing?" They said that they would send someone out to get it, but in the meantime, to keep it really quiet because cottontails can get so spooked that they literally die of fright. Great.

Well, the bunny appeared to have a broken back, and so I put the box in a dark room and put lots of grass and spinach and water in there for her, and every now and then would check on her and love on her a little. She did great all weekend, and Sunday night she really began to eat like crazy... she couldn't get enough spinach. So, thinking that this eating thing was a good sign, I gave her more and was really excited because, hey, bunny just may pull through after all! Yippeee!

Monday morning I woke up and found a dead bunny in the box. Ugh. That really was an ugly feeling. I don't know what happened... I don't know if she ate too much, or if I got overly excited and petted her too much, or if her time was just up. I dunno. I am sad.

But it was a really good object lesson. I have always had a compassionate heart and have been bringing home strays all my life. I brought my mom a dead mouse when I was 2... I held it up and said, "Look mommy! Isn't it cute?" And sometimes my compassion gets the best of me... my lesson this week was this: Mercy without wisdom to back it up is just raw emotion. And raw emotion is dangerous because of its impulsive nature... without wisdom, raw mercy often ends up doing more damage than good. See, I brought home the rabbit immediately because I felt sorry for it. I just wanted to help. But because of my lack of knowledge about rabbits, because I didn't know how to care for it, I wasn't able to sustain it. See? Raw mercy without the wisdom killed the rabbit.

I'm impulsive by nature. Sometimes I let my heart get ahead of my head. Sometimes I have to remember to look before I leap.

So there's the philosophical lesson for the day. Thank you very much.

I'm making tortilla soup tonight. I'm very hungry.

I went shopping today... alone. My shopping buddy is out of town... she's been gone for 3 weeks and will be gone for an undetermined amount of time, and I am missing her desperately! Not just because of the shopping... but today I especially felt her absence. And while I was looking for jeans and going through all of the normal jeans-shopping angst (girls, you understand, right?) -- and feeling more angst because my shopping buddy wasn't there to talk me off the proverbial ledge (I get near suicidal when I am trying on jeans) -- while all this is going on, I hear a cell phone across the store that sounds exactly like said shopping buddy's phone. And I have NEVER heard anyone else with that particular ringtone. And whoever answered that phone sounded just like my shopping buddy. I think I melted into a pool of tears and mush right there in the jeans section. I'm such a pitiful loser. Waaaaaaaaah. All my friends are far, far away! Waaaaaah!

So since I am lonely and bored and can't find a job, I'm going to dye my hair blonde this week, just for fun. That should be interesting. I haven't been blonde since high school. Um, yah!

Okay... gotta go check on my soup.

Hi. Hello. Thank you. Bye.

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